Last week I asked if you…
Could imagine approaching every money decision and choice with unabashed confidence because you know beyond the shadow of doubt that money has your back and wants the best for you?
I am going to go out on a limb here and boldly say that the degree to which you said “yes” is directly tied to one word: Trust
Trust has so many dimensions to it, right?
There’s transparency.
There’s vulnerability.
There’s forgiveness.
There’s respect.
In other words, the same dynamics of trust that exist in your relationship with yourself and in your relationship with your partner are the same as what needs to be present in your relationship with money.
Most couples tend to dismiss this overlap. I wish they wouldn’t; and, if you and your mate are dismissing it, I wish you wouldn’t.
Because when you do, you miss out on an opportunity to get a lot of things “right” – both when it comes to money, in general, and when it comes to love and money, specifically.
In keeping with my promise from last week, here are the remaining four ways to foster more intimacy – with yourself, your mate and your money – so that you can deepen your connection with your mate and get more from your money:
5) Money flourishes in the mundane
There are some within my industry that thrive on you being attracted to the notion that financial success is all about the sexy headliners – the latest IPO; picking the latest top-performing mutual fund; focusing on what the market did (or didn’t do) yesterday and such.
But the truth is far less exciting. A good portion of your financial success rests in the aspects of money that are rather unsexy in the minds of most — like your systems and structure, and using tools that match your money style and personality.
This matters because in much the same was as you don’t measure the strength and intimacy of your relationship on one day – like Valentine’s Day – the same is true when it comes to money. The “small,” daily choices matter more than the grand one-off events or days.
6) Money needs you to have meaningful rituals
Given that you practice rituals every day, in other areas of you life, it seems only natural to create financial rituals. Yet, I am always amazed at the resistance I get to my suggestion to create rituals around how you relate to money. Usually, the push back is that rituals are constricting and zap any spontaneity or creativity.
But as you know from other areas of your life, there are simply some life principles you can’t refute, such as: what you schedule happens; what you measure grows; and how creativity thrives with a degree constraint.
This matters because when you shift from thinking rituals make for a boring life to instead seeing how they can actually enable you to live a more engage life, embracing the practice comes more easily.
7) Money reminds you to ask for what you want
What do you want from money; what do you want it to do for you; how do you want it to show up for you?
One of the things that is humbling about money is that a review of your banking, credit card and investment statements will reveal the assumptions you’ve made, along with your expressed and unexpressed expectations. And most importantly, it’ll expose if you’ve done a good job asking for what you want. You might need to chew on that for a moment.
This matters because money isn’t a mind reader; it needs direction.
Just like in your relationship, it’s only fair that you ask for what you want. Don’t leave it to your partner to figure out what you want or what will make you happy and then get mad when they miss the clues you’ve been dropping.
8) Money dislikes positive thinking
I am all for affirmations. But positive thinking, alone, will not get you far with anything, but especially where money is concerned. Money is all about behavior. It asks you to pay attention; to be intentional; to stay focused; and to express gratitude. It requires you to be engaged on a daily basis.
Money also requires you to observe – both what you can easily see as well as what is not so obvious.
This matters because a healthy relationship with money is just like a healthy relationship of any type: it is a by-product of the actions you take.
Life and love would be so much easier if the process of getting your own relationship with money “right” wasn’t fraught with emotions. But alas…
However, instead of wishing it were easier and different, try this: embracing it for what it is. In the process, let the goodness and messiness reveal ways in which you can practice more love, compassion and understanding to yourself and to your mate (the one you have or will have in the future).
You just might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover. You just might uncover the key to more intimacy – with yourself, your mate and your money. And, you just might realize that money really does have your back and wants what is best for you.
p.s. There is still time to register for the webinar I’m hosting this week Tuesday, February 23rd at 8pm ET. Click here to learn more and RSVP.
p.p.s. If you missed me on “Good Morning America” giving financial advice to a very lovely couple, click to view the segment.
