Have you ever found yourself completely captivated by someone you’ve just met? Maybe at a party, a dinner, or a casual or work-related gathering?
Perhaps what first captures your attention is their appearance. Even if they are not attractive in a classical sense, you find something about them alluring. You find how they take up space appealing – maybe even to the point where you wished you had that same effect on people when you walked into a room.
Then, you hear them speak. Their words flow effortlessly and, before you know it, their charm has pulled you in. They speak with such confidence and ease that, in the span of what seems like a few minutes, they somehow now have everyone around them in the proverbial palm of their hand – including you. Which catches you off guard because you consider yourself a skeptic!
But there’s no denying: You. Are. Impressed.
Honestly, I think this is natural. After all, we are drawn to people with confidence and high social fluency; people who quickly and easily make an emotional connection with others; and who exude optimism and positivity.
In fact, right now I bet you’re recalling the last time you encountered a person like this. 🙂
Here’s the catch, though. I could just as easily be describing a person of substance with good intentions as much as I could be describing what I’d call a “smooth talker” with questionable intent.
Don’t Leave Your Logic Behind
The tricky part is that smooth talkers don’t reveal themselves right away.
At first glance, they blend in seamlessly with the genuine people of substance—they use the same charisma, warmth, and confidence to gain your trust.
You may even find yourself feeling an immediate connection, reassured by their presence and ease. It’s only after time passes, when the layers are peeled back and the results (or lack thereof) come into focus, that you start to realize the difference: their words may have been polished, but the substance was missing all along.
You don’t initially notice:
- Their lack of depth – because they are crafty at using their surface knowledge to mask the gaps in their expertise. Or, maybe they actually do have the expertise, but they lack character.
- They are over-promising – because the promises they are making are unrealistic.
- Their lack of accountability – because they have a habit of sidestepping responsibility for when things go wrong. Particularly when you suffer the consequences…and not them.
- Their focus is only on short-term solutions – because a quick fix is what you really want to hear about. So, they’ve tapped into that emotional need of yours and bypass sharing with you options that require the need to perhaps make a short-term sacrifice in service to a better, but longer-term solution.
Smooth talkers are not dumb. Not by a long shot.
In fact, they are quite smart. At least in terms of understanding how to manipulate and win people over without substance.
Your challenge lies in recognizing that charming smooth talker when you encounter him or her.
You also have this challenge: Being able to identify how what (and who) you are impressed by influences the decisions and choices you make.
Not This; That
I’ve been thinking a lot about the optics and dangers of smooth talkers. And, their power. (Cue the sarcasm: Thank you 2024 election season and *New York City’s political drama. I live in Brooklyn.)
But it’s not like I have not met a smooth talker or two. I’ve been working in financial services for nearly four decades and coaching for two of them. Plus, I’m in my late fifties. So, it’s not like I haven’t encountered my fair share of smooth talkers – professionally or personally.
Lately, though, they are really pissing me off.
I don’t like to see people being taken advantage of, in general. And I really don’t like when I feel people are tapping into folks’ psychological and emotional triggers, with the intent of causing them to make decisions and choices that might not be in their best interest.
I don’t like it when it comes to politics. And I definitely don’t like it when comes to the world of financial and business coaching.
Real progress toward being financially successful and having a business that is both successful and centers the health of your personal finances is not an easy undertaking.
So, when you seek out someone to be on your team to help you, you don’t need someone who is going to gloss over the complexities of managing the intersection of money, business, and life.
Instead, you need someone who:
- Will help you navigate those complexities.
- Will help you keep your vision in sight, while being mindful of the realities of the time, effort, and patience required to address your current circumstances and the context thereof.
- Is unafraid to instigate tough conversations. Someone who won’t shy away from holding you accountable to the goals you’ve set for yourself. Because they’re committed to your success, not just your approval.
- Doesn’t lean on generic financial and business advice. You need someone who respects your intellect, experience, and expertise, as well as the uniqueness of your goals and motivations. In other words, someone who recognizes what makes you unique.
Wink, wink…Yes, I’ve just described my approach to working with clients – whether in my coaching practice or during a speaking engagement. Because whether I have your attention for a few hours, a few months, or a few years, I offer substance, honesty, and lasting results so you can be successful, profitable, and not broke – on your terms. Ultimately, my aim is always for my work with someone to last beyond the scope of our engagement.
This is not an aim smooth talkers can claim. Particularly given how they tend to make everything sound easy and conveniently dismiss the hard truths. Plus, they are more interested in highlighting quick fixes since they more easily align with generic advice.
Eyes Wide Open
There’s nothing wrong with feeling entertained, impressed, and strangely reassured by who someone is or what they say. (Heck, I hope I entertain, impress, and reassure you!)
But please do me a favor and make certain your trust (and perhaps the health of your finances and business) don’t get taken advantage of.
Be discerning (or even more so).
Have a litmus text for evaluating substance over style, clarity over vagueness, logic over just appealing to your emotions, and priortizing the long-term over winning just in the moment.
Also, do a gut-check.
This is how you’ll be prepared for your next encounter with a smooth talker with questionable intentions that may not serve YOU.
